Nairobians are considered a grumpy, unfriendly lot. Ask anyone from upcountry and they will narrate vile watu wa Nai huwa wamefura. Anyone wearing a smile is considered either mad, high or just received their salary.
This claim is not unfounded. I have come with possible reasons why we living in Nairobi are as grumpy as we can get.
Kurauka (Waking up early)
Allegedly, the early bird catches the worm. In order to beat traffic Nairobians wake up as early as four in the morning after around five hours of sleep
Taking into consideration the 8 hours of sleep a night recommended, it means that many have sleep deficit. Side-effects include bloodshot eyes, lack of interest in conversations with strangers, zombie-like movement and steely glances.
Ati breakfast?
Breakfast is a meal unheard of to some Nairobians. This is mainly due to lack of sufficient funds and time.
Fare
For some routes, fare prices are as unpredictable as the (in) famous El-Nino rains.
The moment a few Nimbostratus clouds block the sun’s rays, fare almost doubles. “Kwani hii gari inatumia solar?” One would be tempted to ask the donda.
Travelling costs make up a large sum of a Nairobian’s monthly expenses. With far-flung “counties” like Rongai, commuting can be a pain in the butt.
Boss
Hunger pangs calling, having used half your lunch money for fare, you arrive late for work since the dere saw it fit to overlap. A karao caught him and after minutes of bargaining, cash exchanged hands and you were allowed to proceed.
“You are late”, your boss tells you for all who care to listen.
“Nimewahi chelewa siku ingine?” you ask yourself after swallowing the bile.
Wrong Relationships
After getting into your daily routine, you get a ‘please call me’ from your kamresh. After borrowing airtime, you hit her up. “Sasa bby? Aki sina airtime. Si unitumie woishe,” she says in a European drawl.
Since you love her, you take the remaining lunch money and buy a scratch card. You type out the digits and send via text- this is to avoid deductions by the network service provider reclaiming their ka loan.
Five minutes later, you call to ask if she’s received the money. She confirms amid lots of kissing through the phone.
As you take a walk during lunch time stomach growling, you decide to log into WhatsApp and chat with your kashugwa.
Unapata ameweka picha ya ninja flani amemshika akashikamana kama profile photo. “That’s just my friend, you know I love you,” your baby says after calling her with your remaining loaned airtime.
Halafu niambie, what will stop you from being grumpy?