Have you experienced rejection at work? You can experience rejection for many reasons.
They all have one thing in common. Being rejected is painful, but, many instances of rejection are opportunities for learning, too.
You can only accomplish these two tasks: learning and responding to the intended message. If you are willing to practice personal courage and seek out feedback following your rejection, you can do both.
Bolster Your Courage
You’re probably feeling pretty low as a result of the rejection. So, you need to work on you, first. Give yourself a pep talk. If your internal voice is expressing negativity, tell the voice that it is wrong.
Think about all of the positives that you will experience if you are courageous and seek to learn everything that you can about the causes of and circumstances of your rejection.
Recognize that rejection can be fair and impartial. Perhaps the candidate was more qualified than you for the opportunity.
Maybe your coworker is already in a long-term relationship. Perhaps your coworker has consistently not been called on the carpet for negative behavior in the past—because other employees were unwilling to practice professional courage.
Whatever the reason, you will never understand and deal with rejection if you can’t gather the courage to hit it head-on.
Manage Your Emotions
Sure, you feel bad. But, you won’t receive reasonable feedback from a coworker or boss if you cry through the meeting.
If you are angry and you let it seep into the conversation, you will experience the same. Most coworkers don’t want to cause you pain.
If your coworker or boss feels as if pain and an emotional outburst are the results of their conversation with you, they will give you less feedback.
Or, worse, the feedback you receive will be so sanitized that it is rarely actionable or relevant. Worst of all?
Your boss or coworkers will feel manipulated by your emotions; this is never a positive factor for your performance improvement, prospects within your company, or opportunities after an initial rejection.
Ask for Feedback and Gather Information
Maybe you do drive your coworkers or your manager crazy with your negative approach to work.
Perhaps you do expend so much energy on picky details that project teams don’t want to work with you.
Maybe you have bragged about your successes and goals so often that coworkers avoid you and don’t support you.
Now is the time to figure out why you were rejected. If you are open to receiving feedback and demonstrate this openness to coworkers, you will receive a lot of feedback.
If you argue, deny, blame, or attack the person giving you feedback, that well will instantly dry up.
Learn From Rejection
Process all of the information that you received from your solicitations for feedback. Try to maintain openness to learning from what you are told rather than automatically rejecting the feedback.
In the midst of all of the words that people use to inform you of your shortcomings or the better qualifications of another employee, look for kernels of information that you can use.
If you automatically reject the information, you won’t learn and you won’t be able to change your performance or behavior.
Hearing less than positive feedback about yourself is difficult. You are human and your emotions are involved.
People who provide the feedback are human, too. They may gloss over your shortcomings because of their own discomfort.
So, you need to listen to what they are not saying, too. Ask specific questions to learn more.
Remember, you have the right to reject part or all of the feedback depending on whether you believe it is real and useful.
But, do learn from whatever information you receive. Use whatever information you can to be ready when the next opportunity arises.
Take Positive Action to Develop or Change
Make a plan for yourself, and perhaps involve your manager in the discussion, depending on the quality of the relationship.
Identify co-workers who will give you feedback about improvement. Begin making the necessary changes.
Depending on what advice you received, you may have a list of action steps to prepare yourself for the next opportunity.
For example, with or without company tuition assistance, attend the needed classes if that was the deficiency noted in your rejection.