There’s nothing like a sink full of dishes to turn your intimate relationship into a roommate partnership real quick. I once interviewed a couple who had been together a long time about what keeps the spice going in their relationship. The wife gave me an unexpected response–it wasn’t flowers or foot rubs or dates, it was having the house clean. Even though I didn’t anticipate household chores being a pressing issue for couples, it makes sense. For couples who share dual incomes, when they come home from work, they both have to come home and duke out who is washing the dishes, who is cooking, who is taking care of the kids and making sure they got their bath, etc.
These simple home duties alone can cause relationship issues between partners as they spend the limited time they have fighting versus loving. Love expert Esther Perel, explains this conflict between intimacy and chores by saying, “It’s hard to experience desire when you’re weighted down by concern.”
Carolyn Sharp, a couples therapist at YourTango compiled a list of ways you can stop household chores from interfering in your love life. Don’t get so stuck in the rush of chores that you forget to touch your boo. “Connect first with physical contact before attending to chores. This can be a hug or kiss, or a hand squeeze as you pass by,” Sharp advised. Does your spouse hate doing the dishes? Take it off his/her plate sometimes. Offer to do the task your partner dislikes the most so that they feel loved and cared for.
You may get your partner scrubbing the whole damn house if you offer some mouth romance after the job is done…just kidding. But you can create some reward for your hard work. Suggest an activity to do together after completing the chores, to create a reward and ensure that you set aside time for each other.
