In a latest incidence Emily Wanjiru has reported her husband Githunguri MP Gabriel Kago Mukuha to Kiambu police station after he brutally assaulted her following domestic quarrel. Sandra Horley, head of domestic violence charity Refuge describes the women who come to her refuge, their terror, the injuries they’d sustained at the hands of their partners.
There was a woman in her shelter who just sat and rocked. Another held her son in her lap and cried because her husband had never let her cuddle him before.
What was most sinister was that all these women were telling her the same stories. They described identical incidents – the way their partners behaved, what they did and what they said, right down to the words they used.
Always, these men started off charming. “I heard that word almost every time,” says Horley. “The women would say, ‘If he was sitting in this room now, you wouldn’t believe he could do this.’” The men were loving and charismatic – they knew how to disarm and draw women in.
Then slowly – still mixed in with the charm, flirting between the two – the same patterns would creep in. Put-downs. Possessiveness. Isolation. When there was violence, these women were already worn down, cut off, trapped.
Horley’s partner, Julian Nieman, urged her to put it in a book – as a warning to everyone
There’s far more awareness these days – domestic violence isn’t hidden behind closed doors, it’s on TV and the radio, in headlines.
Wanjiku, a medical practitioner, confronted her husband about being infected with Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI) thrice in a year despite being faithful in their marriage.
The MP descended on his wife with blows and kicks after she pointed the accusing finger on him. The mother of four sustained injuries on her neck, scalp, thighs , upper back following the beating.
Domestic violence – the warning signs
Common abusive behaviours set out in Power and Control:
• Jealousy and possessiveness.
• Humiliating and insulting you in front of others.
• Sabotaging your relationship with friends and family.
• Sudden changes of mood – charming one minute and abusive the next.
• Monitoring your movements, insisting on time limits when you do things, checking your phone, social networks and spending.
• Controlling what you wear and eat (so subtly, you don’t see it happening).
• Blaming you for the abuse (“I’m not like this with anyone else!” “You make me like this.”)
• Expecting you to have sex when you don’t want to, including when you’re ill or asleep.
• Damaging your treasured possessions.
• Harming or threatening to harm family pets.
• Driving recklessly to frighten you.
• Threatening to kidnap or get custody of the children if you leave.
• Telling you you’re useless and could never cope without him.
• Dominating how you feel – whether that’s happy, afraid or frightened. Having the power to make you constantly change your behaviour to avoid his “displeasure”.