MANCHESTER CITY
Empty: Nos 6, 9 and 11
We are embarrassed for them. The No. 6 has not been worn since Fernando and clearly should have been forced onto the back of Aymeric Laporte whether he liked it or not. The No. 9 shirt was last worn with a lack of distinction by Nolito and the No. 11 may well have been retired in honour of Aleksandar Kolarov.
Never mind personal choice, those numbers should have been forcibly assigned to Gabriel Jesus and Riyad Mahrez. Nobody is believing the illusion being created that City are short of first-team players.
ARSENAL
Empty: No. 3
Neatly, every shirt from 1-20 is taken apart from No.3, last seen on the back of Jordi Osei-Tutu in the Europa League and more permanently on Kieran Gibbs, now playing in the Championship with West Brom. Perhaps this is why they reportedly want to sign Ricardo Rodriguez, who wore No.3 earlier in his career.
Can it be a coincidence that Arsene Wenger leaves and suddenly, order comes to the squad numbering at Arsenal? Petr Cech finally takes the No. 1 shirt (just as he loses it in a figurative sense), Hector Bellerin finally gets the No. 2, Mo Elneny is the No. 4 enforcer, a genuine No. 5 is signed in the form of Sokratis, Mesut Ozil wrests the still-warm No. 10 shirt from the fragile body of Jack Wilshere and his old No. 11 shirt is handed to Lucas Torreira.
Okay, that last bit didn’t make any sense but we strongly endorse this dedicated policy of filling all the low numbers. No wonder they wanted #WengerOut.
TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR
Empty: No. 8
Spurs have tried to do it right – a keeper at No. 1, full-backs at 2 and 3, centre-backs at 4 (though we would prefer to see Victor Wanyama or Eric Dier there), 5 and 6, wingers at 7 and 11 and strikers at 9 and 10. Unfortunately, the striker at No. 9 is Vincent Janssen, who is still a Tottenham player. Just.
Missing is a No. 8, which was last worn by Ryan Mason before his departure to Hull City. Unlike the gaps at Manchester City, this really does indicate a transfer need for a creative central midfielder. There was a time when Ross Barkley would have coveted that particular white shirt before he opted to remain blue, presumably because it brings out his eyes. Come in, Jack Grealish.
CHELSEA
Empty: No. 9
We like to think that Alvaro Morata gave up his No. 9 shirt because he felt unable to emulate the feats of Falcao, Fernando Torres, Franco Di Santo, Steve Sidwell and Khalid Boulahrouz in the Chelsea No. 9 shirt, but he insists he switched to No. 29 in honour of his twins, born on July 29. Aw.
We are uncomfortable that the No. 5 and No. 6 shirts are worn by central midfielders Jorginho and Danny Drinkwater, but at least they are being worn; the No. 9 shirt is now vacant. The campaign to give it to Olivier Giroud starts (and probably ends) here.
LIVERPOOL
Empty: None
In fact, the first empty shirt is the No. 19 vacated by Sadio Mane, who took the No. 10 shirt just a few months after the departure of Philippe Coutinho. There is something neat about Liverpool’s wonderful front three wearing 9, 10 and 11.
We cannot pretend to be happy that Fabinho has taken the No. 3 shirt; we wish Andy Robertson had insisted on tearing it off the back of Mamadou Sakho when he arrived last summer. We do not have to pretend to be happy that Naby Keita had the balls to become Liverpool’s new No. 8; good luck, fella.
MANCHESTER UNITED
Empty: None
Contrary to Jose Mourinho’s claim that he has such an inadequate, teeny-weeny squad, Manchester United have players in every number until we reach No. 16 and Michael Carrick’s old shirt. There is also a vacancy at No. 19 as Marcus Rashford has ‘done a Mane’ and swapped that for the vacant No. 10 that was so ably worn by Wayne Rooney.
Any new defensive signing is likely to wait until Marcos Rojo has buggered off to take the No. 5 shirt. It’s worth noting that Harry Maguire has previously worn that number at Sheffield United and Hull, though he wisely declined to fight Wes Morgan for the right at Leicester.