WAS THERE A TIMEFRAME ON WHEN IT WOULD COME HOME?
And so, it was all a dream. We should have known, really, when our visions started to include footballers riding unicorns, or flinging bright blue rubber chickens at each other. None of this was real. Britons scavenging their wardrobes for pairs of shorts and flip-flops to wear day after pitiless, scorching day of unbroken sunshine and hauling themselves to big screens where jubilant hordes flung beer in the air and over themselves and each other in carefree celebration. None of this was real, and it never could be. The sun did not shine, the net did not bulge, the rubber chicken was not tossed, the beer was never airborne.
We awoke, shaken and confused, to the words of Luka Modric, crowing after yet another predictable English World Cup elimination, talking of a nation that “underestimated Croatia and that was a huge mistake”. He went on: “People were talking … English journalists, pundits from television. All these words from them we take, we were reading and we were saying: ‘OK, today we will see who will be tired.’ They should be more humble and respect their opponents more.”
The morning after, Kyle Walker was still living the dream, or at least a version of it. He spoke of existing in “a time where sometimes it’s easier to be negative than positive, or to divide than to unite”, and urged the nation to “keep this unity alive”. Sure, football isn’t coming home quite yet, but maybe, in the words of a tune that has been stuck in The FiveЯ’s head of late as we have lain, feverish and clammy, living this bizarre footballing fantasy, it can make us whole again. And with that Walker climbed once more upon his trusty horned steed, clung tightly to its rainbow mane, and rode off into the sunset.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“England were knocked out by the future world champions. [They] were unbelievably inferior” – TV presenter Joska Jelicic dials the hubris up to 11 as Croatia get their celebrations on. Don’t tell Luka.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Here’s the latest World Cup Football Daily podcast, with Max Rushden and co, and you can find it in this general area every matchday evening.
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FIVEЯ LETTERS
“Can anyone advise how you say ‘Lads, it’s England’ in Croatian?” – Flavio L’Abbate.
“Is it too early to note that, in the end, Argentina lost to the two finalists? I would pause, but on the other hand experts need to start figuring out how that shambles of a team managed to put three past them. Two assists from Messi may have something to do with it but, really, this is a World Cup we will love to reflect on for ages. With all the upsets and twists we will be oh so wise to see coming in hindsight and dissect them to death, but deep down we will know it only makes sense because it’s football and we don’t really want it to make sense all the time, not as long as we can cherish it and get mad over it and cry over it. It’s bloody brilliant” – Maria Barletta
“Surprised the takeover of seven-time European champions Milan by an American hedge fund didn’t merit a bit or a bob. Slow news day? Tick. Ability to say USA! USA!! USA!!!? Tick. Potential link to 2,000 despairing words on The Utter State Of Things? Tickety-tick. If only they were a lower-division English club” – Christopher Smith.
BITS AND BOBS
“You have to suffer the result a little bit – but I’m hugely proud of what they’ve done.” Trust Gareth Southgate to sum up England’s defeat in Moscow in a nutshell. Those sentiments were echoed by Harry Kane, Jesse Lingard and plenty more on assorted social media disgraces.
Dejan Lovren is getting giddy and just in time for a date with Kylian Mbappé’s shadow. But he also has time for this zinger: “We went through a lot of $hit: war, all these things, and even now the situation is not the best. But it is unbelievable how many talents we have in sport. We have good mothers and fathers, making good love.”
One lucky snapper got some of the best shots of the Ethics World Cup – after getting bundled by the Croatian squad following Mario Mandzukic’s winner.
Non-World Cup dept: Fulham have signed Rumour Mill favourite Jean Michaël Seri and his Nice team-mate Maxime Le Marchand in a deal worth more than £30m, while Newcastle have re-signed Kenedy on loan from Chelsea.
And non-World Cup dept II: domestic football is back with a bang, baby, as $tevie Mbe leads the Pope’s Newc O’Rangers into Big Vase qualifying battle against Macedonia’s FK Shkupki.
STILL, WANT MORE?
Paul Doyle reports from ringside after Roy Keane and Ian Wright continued a fine tradition of World Cup punditry bust-ups.
Croatia deserved their victory but England will come back stronger, reckons Dominic Fifield.
France are in the final against a team that pipped a home nation to come through the weaker half of the draw. Is it Euro 2016 again? David Hytner doesn’t think so.