It is at times like these, if you have ever seen Henning Wehn’s stand-up routine, that you might recall how part of his act, as possibly the only German on the English comedy circuit, would be to walk out on stage with a replica of the World Cup trophy. Back in Germany, Wehn would explain, everybody kept one. And then he would hold it towards his audience, teasing them, asking if they understood how nice it felt to hold, caressing it close to his chest. Does anyone want a touch? “This,” he said, “is the closest you will ever get to it.”
Maybe that still stands and England will find a way to fashion an exit from the World Cup that would be more in keeping with the way the team is usually perceived. The time, for example, in 2002 when Guus Hiddink led South Korea to the semi-finals and accused the European teams of being too defensive and too scared, noting that “England was the worst”. Or the occasion, perhaps, when Adriana Sklenarikova, the Slovakian Wonderbra model, offered her opinion. “Tony Blair is very good-looking but unfortunately he has no bravado,” she said. “Same with the England football team.”
Equally, there is another scenario to consider now the World Cup has opened up so invitingly and it is possible to talk up England’s chances of reaching the final without fear any longer that it will be considered reckless. These opportunities are rare. Of course the relevant people will be wondering what can be achieved when the winner of Saturday’s game against Sweden will meet Russia or Croatia for a place in the final. Of course, it should be permitted to say England are genuine contenders without attracting the kind of looks that would usually indicate it might be time to have your bumps felt.
Not everyone, plainly, is willing to acknowledge the point. Håkan Mild, the former Sweden international, is one. Mild, it may be recalled, was one of Paul Scholes’s victims in the game in 1999 when the Manchester United player became the first England international to be sent off at Wembley. Perhaps he still holds a grudge. “They are spoilt kids who earn a lot of money,” he said. “They don’t have the desperation [hunger] needed. It couldn’t be a better draw. They think they are so good but they are not.”
It has not always been easy to defend English football from allegations of arrogance – not when the Football Association keeps a clock at St George’s Park to count down the seconds until England apparently win the 2022 World Cup – but Mild misses the point badly if he is trying to portray Sweden’s opponents as prima donnas.
On Tuesday, before the game against Colombia, Gareth Southgate’s team-talk focused on the backgrounds of his players and the thing they had in common. Jordan Pickford’s backstory included a loan spell for Darlington when they were relegated from the Conference, followed by a stint at Alfreton Town. Jamie Vardy has his tales from Fleetwood Town. Harry Maguire was in League One with Sheffield United. Dele Alli experienced the lower leagues with MK Dons and Harry Kane’s loan spells included Leyton Orient and Millwall. And on and on. These might be exceptionally rich men but so many of these players have worked their way up. It is not an ego-free environment, by any means, but there is also not the big-time attitude that existed in other England squads. And to say they lack hunger is, frankly, absurd.
Southgate summed it up neatly when he explained the reasons for his team-talk and, specifically, why the players’ backgrounds are so fundamentally important to England’s success. “I talked to them about where they had all started and the different clubs,” he said. “You have to be savvy. You have to be tactically aware because that’s what makes the difference in the big matches. But they also have a humility about them. We work hard for each other, we don’t carry anybody. They are all prepared to graft and dig in for each other. I know those are slightly old-fashioned qualities but we don’t have the right to stroll around a football pitch. We play with character and I love that about them.”
The most important part is knowing how to take care of a football but Southgate made another good point when he talked about the current set of players no longer being weighed down by the failures and stigmas of previous England teams. Perhaps we, in the media, can be guilty of looking back too often. Pickford just looked bemused when someone asked whether England’s penalty shootout victory must have an extra personal meaning for Southgate. “What do you mean?” the goalkeeper asked. Because he missed one back in the day? Pickford (aged two at the time): “What was it, 96?”
Southgate’s reference to M.A.S.H when he mentioned the number of players needing treatment was another reminder of the blurring of time. “I don’t know what that is,” Alli said. It is a different generation, children of the 21st century in many cases. As Southgate keeps saying, it is the most inexperienced group of players in the competition and, for the most part, they do not greatly care if their predecessors had lost six of their previous seven shootouts.
England’s penalty takers began their rehearsals before the friendlies against the Netherlands and Italy in March and will continue to do the same in every practice session for as long as they are in this tournament. Often that routine means telling the goalkeeper where they are aiming their shot, the idea being that the only way to score would be to produce what Marcus Rashford described as “the perfect penalty”.
Southgate has found other ways of putting the players under pressure by organising putting competitions in which the players shout and jeer to put one another off. But that bit of fun aside, it has been a more professional setup than usual. Every player agreed to have psychometric tests to help Southgate establish his list, from one to 23. The FA even commissioned a study to look at their previous failures and the findings revealed that England’s players took less time with their kicks than any other nation. On Tuesday no one rushed.
The togetherness of the England squad could be summed up by the sight of the backup goalkeepers, Jack Butland and Nick Pope, gathering in a television room to watch, obviously thrilled, the replays of Pickford’s saves. It was encapsulated in the embrace between Jordan Henderson, England’s one penalty-taker not to score, and Pickford – “Jesus, I’ve helped you out there, lad,” the goalkeeper said – and again, even if it was just a silly little thing, in the way John Stones crept up behind Raheem Sterling, mid-interview, to flick his ears.
Sterling was speaking to a clutch of football writers about the moment at half-time when one of Colombia’s coaches barged into him. “There were a couple of times when I went over for a drinks break and he kept saying something. I just remember running in and he stepped in front of me
At one point Yerry Mina, Colombia’s biggest player, ended up on Sterling’s back – “look at the strength!” Sterling joked – and there was other stuff away from the cameras. “There was one of their guys who had a hold of my ribs. I don’t know how that was even possible but he had hold of my ribs.” And Sterling was laughing again. Southgate, he said, had explicitly warned the players not to be provoked and England, to a man, have followed those instructions.