We hate to be pessimistic, but love alone isn’t enough sustain a marriage. To truly make a marriage last, research suggests you need to be smart and conscientious in how you love your partner. To that end, we’ve gathered 10 marriage-related facts every engaged couple should know about. Take those rose-colored glasses off and read on.
1. Sharing the housework = more sex
Sharing is caring ― and sharing household chores could make for a really hot sex life. A 2015 study from the University of Alberta found that couples who divvy up cleaning tasks reported higher relationship satisfaction and got busy more often than couples who left it to one partner. Apparently, when men in the study felt they were making fair contributions to household chores, the couple had more sex and each partner reported more sexual satisfaction. Now we understand why
2. The honeymoon phase may be a myth
Don’t get too hung up on the hot-and-heavy phase fizzling out: the honeymoon phase may be more of a myth than a reality. According researchers at Deakin University’s Australian Center on Quality of Life, couples are happiest after their first year of marriage. What’s more, newlyweds reported having a lower happiness score than couples who had been married for a long time.
Lead researcher Melissa Weinberg attributed the findings to couples having a “wedding hangover” ― a feeling of sadness once the wedding is over and the actual marriage begins.
3. Most couples wait six years before going to marriage counseling ― but you should go sooner
The average couple who visits a marriage counselor has been struggling for about six years. By that time, some therapists say the damage has already been done. It’s much smarter to go as soon as you start to get serious, when things between you and your S.O. are going relatively smoothly, Ryan Howes, a psychologist in Pasadena, California told HuffPost recently.
“It’s OK to go to counseling when things seem ‘fine’ so that you are more resilient when they aren’t,” he explained. “Even the strongest marriages will encounter tough times eventually, and it’s good to be equipped when they come.”
4. Eye rolls could cost you. Contempt is one of the top predictors of divorce
Get a handle on those snarky remarks. According to marriage researcher John Gottman, contemptuous behavior like eye-rolling, sarcasm and name-calling is the number one predictor of divorce.
For forty years, Gottman and his research team at the Gottman Institute have studied couples’ interactions to determine the key predictors of divorce — or as he calls them, “the four horsemen of the apocalypse.” Contempt is the number one sign, followed by criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling (emotionally withdrawing from your partner.)
5. Cuddling is a game-changer in a long-term relationship
Big (and little) spoons, rejoice! A 2014 study out of the University of Toronto found that even a small amount of cuddling can produce substantial increases in sexual and relationship satisfaction, especially among women and parents of young children.
6. Arguing over finances early on doesn’t bode well for the marriage
It may not be the sexiest premarital convo but talking about money issues now rather than later could save you a world of heartache. In 2013 study, researchers at Kansas State University found that early finance-related arguments are the top predictor of divorce. What’s more, this was true across income and wealth levels. That’s your cue to pour a glass of wine and start talking financial histories and money expectations.
7. Men really benefit from getting married
Research has suggested that men, in particular, benefit from married life. A major survey of 127,545 American adults found that married men are healthier than men who never tied the knot or whose marriages ended in divorce or widowhood. They also live longer!