Ladies, if you really value your relationship and would want to see it stay for a longer time, then keep off from mentioning these things to your guy or else you will cry foul.
Aren’t You Going to Get That?
Many women expect men to pick up the check, especially on a first date. Many men probably expect that they’ll have to pick up the tab too.
Indeed, a survey revealed that over three-quarters of people in heterosexual relationships think men should always pay for the first date. This dynamic tends to linger, even as the relationship matures.
But this is the 21st century and we have come to expect a certain level of gender equality. While there’s nothing wrong if the man volunteers to pay for a date, it could send the wrong message if you voice your expectation that he has to pay. In his eyes, you might come across as an entitled gold digger who’s only after his money.
It Happens to Everyone
You’re getting intimate. Things are getting hot and heavy in the bedroom when he runs into some problems downstairs. Cue the sad trombone.
The situation is awkward enough and letting him know that other men can and have suffered the same fate isn’t going to make him feel any better. If he’s straight, the last thing he needs right now is to think about another man’s flaccid privates, let alone an army of depressed men with flaccid privates!
Opening the lines of communication is certainly important, but it might not be the best idea when you’re in the moment. Instead, redirect his attention by being intimate in other ways and who knows? He just might surprise you.
Do You Even Know How to Change a Tire?
Every man knows how to change a car tire. And a man who doesn’t know will never admit his ignorance, even if his brow is drenched in sweat, his hands are black from brake dust, and he’s trying not to look like a total lug nut, all the while not realizing that he needs a key for that wheel lock.
Rightly or wrongly, to question his ability to change a tire is to question his very manhood. When he hears those words, he’ll think you see him as less of a man. Rather than getting frustrated and standing idly by, offer to lend a hand. He’ll probably refuse it, but it’s better than questioning his masculinity.
On a similar topic, never ask a dad if he even knows how to change a diaper. He might, he might not. But when he’s elbow-deep in the mess with bodily fluids all over his clothing, he’ll realize soon enough just how important it is to know.
It’s Just a Game
The dishes are piled high in the sink, the hamper is over-flowing with dirty laundry, and your lawn looks like something straight out of The Jungle Book.
And yet, your guy is plopped down on the couch, cheering on his favorite team and screaming at the referees through the TV. You tell him to get off his butt and do some chores, to which he answers that he’s watching football.
You say “it’s just a game,” and he shoots you a scowl with livid eyes that pierce through to the darkest corners of your soul.
For him, it’s not “just a game.” Professional sports can hold a much more profound meaning for many men. Maybe he’s living vicariously through the physicality.
Maybe he’s reliving that one time in high school when he scored four touchdowns in a single game, before he resigned himself to a life as a women’s shoe salesman in some mall in the suburbs of Chicago.
Maybe it’s a tribal thing.
As far as gender stereotypes go, saying it’s “just a game” is equivalent to a guy saying, “it’s just a dress” or “just a purse.”
Gender stereotypes aside, be honest. You’d probably be upset if he downplayed one of your passions. Instead, either express some interest in his passions or simply give him the space to enjoy the game. He can make it up to you later.
It Must Be Nice Your Wife Pays for Everything
Yes, there is still a “wage gap” in America, but the number of women who have become the primary breadwinners for their families is steadily on the rise.
The number of full-time stay-at-home dads is growing too. Dads aren’t “playing mom” or “giving mom a break,” just as much as moms aren’t “playing dad” when they climb up the corporate ladder.
And while money should never be the defining factor for what a partner contributes to a relationship, it can be awfully emasculating to point out this inequality. No man wants to feel devalued like he’s just some boy toy (hairy back and pronounced gut notwithstanding) for his spouse.
Indeed, any sentence that starts with “it must be nice” is going to be laced with some passive-aggressive connotations. It must be nice to stay home with the kids. It must be nice to have so much free time.
It must be nice to have such a supportive partner. And so on. Instead of pointing out where he’s not contributing, highlight where he is, or where he is seeing success.