People are so bad at wiping their butts, suffer from a condition called PAS, or “polished anus syndrome,” and it comes from, in part, abysmal bathroom hygiene. After doing our business, we take dry, rough toilet paper and smear poop around our skin rather than wicking it off with clean water.
And then when we can’t get clean, we wipe and wipe until we make our butts bleed. (And if you’re a hairy guy, don’t even think about feeling fresh, you’re walking around with tissue clumps stuck to you.
Laugh all you want, but PAS is a growing problem, People afflicted with PAS were likely never taught proper wiping technique as children, Asbury says, and have been doing it wrong their entire lives.
It’s astounding how much pain Kenyans will suffer in order not to do the sanitary and comfortable thing. But we’d rather scratch ourselves up or fill up a can with poop wipes than tickle our butts with water.
If you insist on punishing your butt with toilet paper, wipe the correct way, front to back, which will help keep your excretory bits away from your dank taint. My advice, get your ass on an efficient pre-shower poop schedule. Kill two birds with one stone and start your day feeling 100 percent fresh. Whatever you do, though, just don’t hold it in.