I know I’m speaking for most if not all Africans especially of my generation when I say our mothers are a piece of work. Sometimes they don’t know when to stop and who can blame them, really.
There is no perfect human being and mothers also fall on that list. However, the responsibility that comes with being a mother is a heavy one but some mother’s are simply horrible. Being a mother is not just about financial needs but it’s mostly about the emotional well-being of a child as well.
But there is a thin line between being a mother and inflicting trauma upon your child through your actions. These are definite signs you have a toxic mother.
1. She dismisses your negative feelings
If your mother has always dismissed your negative feelings about her and other issues by saying that at least you have a roof over your head then she didn’t regard your feelings. You should be glad that she worked hard and provided for you but at the same time if you were emotionally neglected you also have a right to feel bad.
2. She makes you feel responsible for her happiness
You are not responsible for her happiness, so if she keeps reminding you that everything she has ever done is for you and that is why you owe her all that you have. This is not right, a mother does all she does for you because she decided to keep you and raise you. If she was a good mother she shouldn’t treat you like some investment. She will also tell you that you’re selfish and that you cause her grief, no she is responsible for her own happiness.
3. She wants you to be dependent on her
She will create opportunity to feel important in your life, she doesn’t want you to be financially independent too fast because she would rather be the one to control your life. She even get’s mad when you try and have your own identity and life.
4. She always makes your problems about her
You go tell her things about your life and she makes it about herself all the time. If your mother is focused on making sure that everyone pays attention to her, at the expense of showing any interest in you, then you are probably dealing with a toxic relationship. I mean it should be a two way relationship.
5. She always mocks you and uses the Bible to make you feel guilty
She will make you feel like you’re such a disappointment that she doesn’t know how to deal with you then makes you feel guilty when you tell her the truth. She will also use the Bible to say things like God will punish you if you don’t listen to me or God will curse you, this is manipulative on so many levels.
6. She makes you afraid for sticking up for yourself
She may throw insults your way, talk to you badly, tell you you’re not going to be much in life then makes you scared for sticking up for yourself which is annoying.
In an African society we are taught to love our parents as they are which is a good thing, but we are never told that it is possible to have a toxic relationship with them. It is very possible to have a mother that devastates you and in as much as you love them, for your own good you should accept that maybe your mother will never change so it’s best to love her for distance.