It’s international family’s day and fights between siblings are inevitable, even if they can be frustrating. If you and your sibling want to stop fighting, there are a few strategies you can try before, during, and after a fight. You may be family, but with a little effort, you can get along like friends!
- If your sister says something to you, pay attention to her, rather than the TV or your cell phone. This will make your sister feel like you care.
- Avoid bringing up things you know will start a fight, like your brother’s report card grades, or your sister’s dumb new boyfriend.
Create a system to prevent repeated fights from occurring.
Show your brother or sister you love them then after you talk about what is upsetting you, come up with a plan so that you can reduce the number of fights you have. Brainstorm a few healthy solutions, and decide upon a few options with your sibling.
- Maybe your system is taking turns choosing the TV show. Perhaps it works best for you to write out what you agree upon in a contract.
- If you want to use the bathroom to get ready for school, ask your brother if he could shower at night instead of in the morning. If he doesn’t agree, maybe try showering at night yourself or try waking up 15 minutes earlier.
Pause and relax so you don’t make the fight worse, if they are annoying.
Calm yourself down by taking a few deep breaths or counting to 10. This will help you keep your cool. When you start to get defensive, most likely your sibling will too. Take a time-out, relax for a bit, and then come back to the conversation.
- Pause for 5 seconds or 5 minutes–however long you need.
- If it helps, designate a cool off period and give each other space. Pause your conversation, and give each other some space. Work out your emotions individually rather than taking them out on each other.
- If you are having trouble relaxing, try listening to music or taking a walk. This will distract you and give you something else to think about, so you can come back and talk to your sibling calmly.
- If you want to do something nice for them, and help you both calm down, bring a family pet to the couch, or some other neutral area, and talk there, where you both have a calming influence, in this case a pet, to cool the flames.