A Complete guide to getting a good Kenyan husband to marry you

Kenyan women believe men are ‘dogs’ but do you know Kenya men are most faithful in Africa.

This is according to research produced by Men Care dubbed state of the world’s father.

WOmen say the typical Kenyan men are useless, that Kenyan men are the worst, they are not romantic, they are misers……the list goes on!

Well, I have heard enough yip yap to last me a lifetime…and I have had it! Newsflash..there are men..good Kenyan men. I speak not from hearsay, but from experience. I have dated a couple of Kenyan guys and I always thought how lucky I was to have great men.

But then I realized that in addition to their wonderful character, it also matters how you relate to them, how you treat them will determine everything. There are men who are jerks by nature, but there are good men who might end up treating you badly just because of the way you are treating them.

We need to understand there has been a change in dynamics…a change in the norm of our society. For the longest time, this has been a society where the men were used to being the sole providers, treated like kings, well educated and their word was the law. Times have changed and enter the breed of Kenyan women who have become well educated, well spoken, well paid and very competent leaders

While we women are struggling to assert our new found independence, men are grappling to understand what happened. The current situation calls for compromise and understanding from both parties. A good man will understand you with all the independence and will encourage you. While they are doing so, you need to understand him and help him adjust.

For the record before i delve into this post which will either help the ladies or just raise an uproar, let me clear a few things first. I am no guidance counselor, I am just your average looking, university educated, well traveled and stubborn lady.

All that am writing is based on what i have experienced , what i have learnt, still learning and from observing all the drama unfolding around me. And yes…i have experienced heartbreak!

From my understanding a good guy will take you as you are, big body, small body, tall, short, dark skinned, light skinned, quiet, loud, smart, not so smart….. A great guy will respect you in every way, he will not be intimidated by your success. This is not a guide to getting a husband…..

Do not be afraid to be alone!

If you need to have a man to validate yourself means that you will pick up any guy you meet along the way. And i can assure you men have a radar and they can tell when a woman is afraid to be alone. This is the reason why women are being taken for granted. Love yourself first..then you are ready to love someone else.

Let your man be a man

..let him hang out with his boys, let him enjoy driving his cars or just doing all those manly things guys like to do. In a public setting let him be the man, stop putting him down each chance you get. I am not telling you to be silent..hell i can never keep my mouth shut. I am just telling you to know the lines you cannot cross. Ever been in a group and the lady says something that makes you all cringe and feel sorry for the man? Yea….it does not make u look hotter/smarter…makes you look stupid. And am sure the man will not take it kindly…

Do not go for a man because of his money and/or looks.

It is simple, looks fade…money and wealth can be made and it can be lost. Good character is hard to find..

Wachana na Mpango wa Kando!

He aint going to leave his wife for you. And while you think that what the two of you have is great and special, that its not like the others…reality check honey…it ends the same way. He stays with the wife… PS: Karma is a bitch!

Durama…Drama…

For those not familiar with this Kenyan dialect! It is the worst trait in a woman. I know we can’t all be composed and maintain our cool in extreme situations and I know we are blessed with an unhealthy dose of hormones but raising your voice to your man..especially in a public setting is too much. Causing a scene in a restaurant all because someone stepped on you or brushed by you (and apologized) is enough to make a man slid down his seat and disappear.

Paranoi

..its generally known as jealousy..but i like to call it paranoia. How else would you describe calling some girl and telling her to leave your man alone. How would you describe calling your man every 10 minutes when he goes to hang with his pals. How would you describe that look you give your man when he looks at a lady let alone talks to her. You need to trust your man…think of it this way…being so paranoid will not make him faithful. Go out yourself and hang with your friends, watch a movie…just don’t keep calling him up!

Space

…i cannot stress this one more..we all need our space. Our time away from the other person. Calling your man every hour just to say hi or check in or ask what he is having for breakfast, lunch and supper is stifling. Wanting to hang out with him all the time is suffocating him….I understand the honeymoon feeling where you just want to have him around all the time but give him space and use that time to develop yourself. They say absence makes the heart fonder…give him time to miss you.

Stop trying to change your man

…I know i would hate it if a man tried to change me. A person will change because you have inspired him to change..not because you have forced him to change. If you are looking for someone who will accept you for the way you are, you also need to be ready to accept him the way he is.

Be real

…be straight forward! Dont mince your words..men dont understand feelings, they understand words. So if you are not happy with something, say it…dont pout for hours or days. If you are looking for a serious relationship, say it from the start….not waiting around hoping that the guy will get serious with time. I have found that saying the issue outright will save both of you alot of time and heartache.

Comparing your man to others is a sure way to kill the fire.

Men cannot be the same..and just because your girlfriend’s man drives a range, or he just got promoted or he buys her flowers does not mean that you should complain to your man and want him to be the same. Let you man be himself..Appreciating the little things your man does goes a long way.

Stop misusing the term Independent Woman

… As long as you depend on a guy to pay for your salon visits, buy your clothes, pay your fare and even rent..dododon’t even come close to calling yourself an independent woman. An independent woman does not have to be rich, she will make do with what she has, she has pride in the little she has. Needy women are a turn off for any man..unless he has self-esteem issues. A good man will appreciate a woman with a bit of pride.

Stop shoving your success to his face and everyone else to see!

Men operate on their ego..worldwide..not just in Kenya. I am not telling the ladies to hide their achievements but darling reminding your man each second that you earn better, are better educated or have more market value does not do much to rake points. Remember, we are talking about the good men..not the good for nothing trainwrecks!

Having all your girlfriends in your relationship does not help.

We girlfriends will always care and want the best for you..but we most of the time have no idea what exactly what the two of you are going through. So tell your man you cannot do this, or you want this because Njoki said…. “Who the fUck is Njoki…” is the kind of expletive your man thinks when you say such a thing. I aint saying not to listen to your girls..but you need to be wise enough to know what to filter out and what to keep.

Leave your Ex out of the relationship.

I do not need to explain that because it cuts both ways…how would you feel if your man kept talking about his ex and kept hanging out with his ex?

Do not fight for a man…Yea I know this might not sit well with some ladies but… I believe the heart wants what the heart wants. So you could fight for the guy but what if he really just loves another. You could win and keep him but what if his heart is not with you? If your man loves you, he will stay with you…he will not even let you fight for him. Have some pride ladies…

Getting pregnant will not make him stay…i cannot believe that in this day and age, ladies still do that.

RESPECT!!! I put it in capital letters because if respect aint there..there is no point of being together. I strongly believe that the moment you start insulting each other and being spiteful to each other, is the day you should both walk away. Once respect is lost..the whole relationship becomes based on lies and pretense.

While we are happy that the world is changing and empowering the women, note that the Kenyan man is also dealing with the change. So lets guide them instead of twisting their arms. I am still talking about the good men..not the chauvinistic, backward and sad excuses of men.

So dear Kenyan ladies..instead of going to some pastor for prayers to get a husband, or a man…how bout you start with yourself because we all know that the good Lord does not ship out men. And remember…there are good Kenyan men!