How to be an attractive and irresistible man

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How many times have you been told or heard that women are more attracted to men who pay attention, someone who remembers details about them without having to be reminded.

So, you tried paying attention but nothing came of it.

You tried to be nice, but to no avail.

You even tried to be the first: the first to wish her happy birthday, the first to tell her good morning and obviously the last to tell her goodnight, but you never got anywhere.

You ended up losing to the jerk next door, who didn’t care whether she ate or cried, whether she missed him or just wished for a text.

It has always been said, good men finish last. It’s always the ‘bad boys’ who ‘came’ first-pun intended.

This is article is about all the guys that came last.

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This is how you come first

A lot of guys spend most of their lives with no clue what they’re doing.

Between the lack of strong father figures…

The misinformation being spread in schools and mainstream media (“toxic masculinity” sound familiar?)…

And Hollywood movie tropes (do nice guys finish first or last, again?)…

Not to mention the things girls say they like…

It’s hard to separate truth from fiction, and to get a real grip on things. It’s tough to figure out what exactly makes a guy more attractive.

Now, let me preface this by pointing out the obvious:

I don’t know everything.

But I did and am going through my twenties and I have amassed plenty of experience. Combined with a healthy dose of common sense, this article contains the big lessons I’ve learned.

In my experience, the idea that roughly 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes holds true for male attractiveness and romantic success too.

Now, I want to be clear. This isn’t a dating guide.

I’m not a dating coach like RSD Tyler or f**king Dr Cupid.

And I’m not a renowned professor of evolutionary psychology like Geoffrey Miller or Charles Darwin.

I won’t help you with the minutia of interactions with the opposite sex.

I won’t tell you what this or that body language means…

Or give you any clever lines to use.

In fact, for the most part, this article is the opposite of a dating guide.

It’s an anti-dating guide.

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I want you to chase after fewer women. Instead of chasing tail I want you to focus on yourself:

I will give you three areas of life to focus on in order to make yourself as attractive as possible.

They are all basically lifestyle changes, not mindset shifts (which take longer). With all the recommendations I make, you will see a noticeable difference in 3-6 months.

This is because while it’s important to think about the long term…

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To put in the time and build something real…

It’s easy to get discouraged if you don’t notice any difference early on.

Fast successes motivate long-term commitment to a goal.

In short, this guide is foundational. It won’t teach you the finer details or advanced pick-up skills. It won’t teach you the evolutionary reasons for why women find certain things attractive.

It will, however, show you how to transform yourself into the kind of guy that girls do find desirable.

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Because without a solid foundation, everything else is more or less useless.

If you haven’t learned arithmetic, you won’t be able to perform even the “basics” of advanced mathematics.

Do women care about appearance?

Some guys think they’re not good-looking or handsome enough to attract hot girls.

Photo of Christina Hendricks and Geoffrey Arend together

Unless you have Quasimodo-like deformities, not being blessed with top 10% (or top 1%) genetics is not an excuse for failure.

Truth is, women care far less about physical appearances than men do.

And they look for different things.

As a man, your appearance is judged in four different categories:

  • Grooming
  • Physique
  • Fashion/style
  • Face

You can’t do much about the way your face looks (apart from keeping it clean), but you can do a lot of other things:

How to groom better
Man in White Shirt

Grooming is simple. Unlike most women, you don’t have to spend an hour every day putting on or taking off make-up in order to look good

Go for a basic but clean hairstyle. Only shave your head if you’re black or if you’re already balding.

Keep your facial hair well-maintained or go clean-shaven.

Keep your nails (and nose hair) trimmed, and moisturize your hands.

Don’t worry about armpit hair or pubic hair. They don’t matter, until they don’t matter. (If you get into a relationship, your girl will let you know if she has a problem with either of them.)

Handle all body odor:

  • Use deodorant and cologne
  • Brush your teeth and use mouthwash
How to get an attractive physique
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If you want to make your body more attractive, you need to focus on doing two things:

  • Building muscle mass
  • Reducing your body fat

To accomplish these things, hit heavy weights and eat healthy food. (If you don’t have access to a gym, create your own.)

You should be doing more to take care of your body (like improving your cardiovascular health). What I’m outlining here is just the fastest way to make yourself more attractive.

In terms of physique, there’s no “ideal weight” that you should aim for.

Instead, look at BMI and body fat percentage:

  • Get your body fat to somewhere around 10-14%
  • Get your BMI to around 23-27

If you’re 5’10”, you’ll look best at about 11% body fat and weighing 175 to 190 pounds.

That’s not freakishly huge. And you shouldn’t aim to be.

Most women do not like the bodybuilder physique:

Instead, they prefer guys who look like models or athletes. (Swimmers or soccer players, not Olympic weightlifters.)

Famous soccer player Cristiano Ronaldo

Unless you’re severely obese or ultra skinny, you can get very close to your ideal metrics after 6 months of healthy eating and regular weightlifting. (You might not be as ripped as you’d like though, that can take longer.)

And don’t forget that consistency always trumps everything else: it’s better to hit the gym fewer times but more consistently…

Than hitting it every day and then dropping off after two or three weeks.

You’re running a marathon, not a sprint.

Style basics for men

First of all, let’s get this out of the way:

Caring about the way you look, and the clothes you wear is not gay.

Ed Latimore standing in a pumpkin patch, wearing a grey sweater, chinos, and navy blue quilted vest — and holding a pumpkin.

If you respect yourself, and want others to do the same, you need to master at least the basics of menswear and style.

You don’t need to stay up to date on all the latest fashion trends.

In fact, unless you’re genuinely interested in that (in which case more power to you) it’s probably best to ignore fashion trends altogether.

Like Yves Saint-Laurent (the guy who started the famous clothing brand with the same name) once said:

“Fashions fade, style is eternal.”

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So buck the trends and stick to principles and clothes that will never go out of fashion.

Again, the 20/80 rule applies here as well. 20% of your effort contributes to 80% of your results.

In most cases, what makes an outfit attractive is: proportion and scale. Wear fitted clothes with small (or no) patterns, wear mid- or high-rise pants, and choose the right colors.

Unless you’re 6’8” or above, you probably want to look a little taller and leaner. Brock from The Modest Man has a great video guide on things to do and things not to do:

I’m including this video because, even if you’re on the tall side, it still applies. You might want to make yourself look a little shorter by contrasting the color of your pants and shirt, or wearing bigger patterns.

Aside from the fit, pay attention to these things:

  • Unless you’re 13, don’t wear novelty t-shirts outside the gym
  • Don’t wear wrinkly clothes
  • Make sure your clothes don’t smell bad
  • If you can afford it, it’s better to pay more for high quality products — they fit, feel, and look better (and you save money in the long run)

Appearance is important for two reasons:

  1. It will make you more attractive to women in and of itself
  2. But perhaps more importantly, looking good will give you a confidence boost — which will make you more attractive to women.

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