6 types of Annoying Nairobi Women Who are worse than Turkana Hunger

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Fair enough. There many proven cases of how bad and annoying Kenyan men are. But the million-dollar question is, are our women any better? Keen observations reveal that there is so much stuff that Kenyan women do, which annoy men as well.

Queen of borrowing

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First comes women with a poor borrowing culture. When they visit, they want to leave your house with an item. “Wow, I like this book, can I borrow it and return next week?”, “Let me go watch this movie/series, I will return it,” or “can I borrow your extra phone? I will return in two days once I buy mine,” they will beg. But when you lend them an item, it takes the combined intervention of Recce Squad, Interpol and a global positioning satellite (GPS) device to track it down.

Drunk like a fish madam

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Then they’re those whom you take out, get drunk and forget themselves. They engage in indecent exposure, dancing with every Tom, Dick and Harry. If you are not keen, they kiss strangers and have no qualms being touched inappropriately in their men’s presence. They are in the habit of turning boyfriends into guard or attack dogs, who have to look after them, warding off mannerless strangers who try to dirty dance with them.

Some get high and start causing trouble and getting their men into unnecessary fights with strangers at night clubs. “Nipige kama wewe ni mwanaume,” they will dare a 200kg heavy bouncer then expect their men to intervene. They start wailing the moment the offended man frowns and cocks a slap, threatening to smack them. It’s this shameless drunk types whom you take to a live concert, get carried away and, without an ounce of shame, start shouting the name of the celeb on stage, expressing undying love for him.

Team whiners

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You might think you have many problems, until you meet a Kenyan girl and ask her to open up about stuff that is bothering her. Her general body disposition, screaming body language, speech and tonal variation and the number of ‘woiyes’ she uses to punctuate her sentence will bring tears to your eyes. How many times have you heard a woman make an urgent SOS request, only for you to rush to her rescue, panic-stricken and sweating, expecting a tragedy or crisis, only to discover she misplaced her mascara or chipped a nail while cleaning.

Abusers of gentlemen’s generosity

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In these hard economic times, no man, even a ‘sponsor’, wants you to show up for a date with a hungry, thirsty crowd girlfriend. It is such characters who, despite being weaned on local beer brands, asks for expensive, foreign drinks with names they can’t pronounce, just because the man said ‘feel free to order anything you want’. Lanes!

But wait until you secretly trail them, you will see them, trying to squeeze madondo chapo and mutura into their handbags from the dingy neighbourhood kibanda.

Ms Freebies, ever looking for free lunch

Good Lord, Miss Freebies, didn’t your mother teach you men hate needy women?! This woman likes free things. Free movie or concert tickets, free drinks, free rides, free airtime. Free! Free! Free! You would be forgiven for thinking ‘Free’ is her middle name because if you shouted ‘free’ when she’s within earshot, chances are she will look over. Girls, listen and listen good. Free things always haunt. Learn to spend your cash. Why the allergy to opening your purses? That, after all, is what equality — which you always shout about from rooftops — is all about. There’s no such thing as a free lunch around here.

Team clueless who interrupt sports

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Then we have annoying types who interrupt sports. Your Arsenal FC is trailing Liverpool FC. And just when you’re holding your breath over a goal-mouth melee, the bothersome woman pokes you in the ribs and blurts: “Awww… that Liverpool dude is so cute.”

Wanaume Ongezeni yenu!

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