How To Craft Better Apologies… And Actually Mean It

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If there is anything in life that has proven to be hard for o many people, is saying sorry. That’s even why musicians and singing about it. It doesn’t come naturally for most people.

We are all wrapped up in our own lives and forget the need to consider how we might be hurting others, whether intentionally or unintentionally. In many of these instances, a genuine apology is not only necessary, but perhaps the only thing that can repair an otherwise broken relationship. 

As someone who has always struggled with making heartfelt apologies to loved ones, I turned to experts for advice on how to be better at saying “I’m sorry.”

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1. Acknowledge that what you did wrong. 

The first step to making an apology is to explain the error. The person who made the mistake should acknowledge and demonstrate their understanding of why they hurt the other person.

2. Be sincere.

A sincere and humble apology doesn’t attempt to justify wrongdoing. Instead, it “shows that you recognize your hurtful actions, accept responsibility, and are willing to change.” 

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3. Ask for forgiveness. 

When you ask for forgiveness, you give the other person a chance to react and respond. Give them time. Even if they never come around, this is an important gesture that puts the ball back in their court.

4. Don’t think of an apology as winning or losing. 

In saying the words “I’m sorry” when you have crossed a line isn’t the same as saying, “You’re completely right in this situation.” Instead an apology simply means that “you value the relationship more than your ego.”

5. Don’t blame them. 

This is the most challenging hurdle to overcome in any apology. According to relationship therapist Rhonda Milrad, “saying, ‘I wouldn’t have if you didn’t do this first’ sends a message that you are not taking responsibility for your actions.” In other words, blaming them pretty much invalidates your apology. 

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6. Be ready to apologize multiple times. 

Sometimes one sorry just isn’t enough. To show genuine contrition, repeatedly asking for forgiveness and offering reassurance to loved ones, especially for serious errors shows commitment. This will help reduce the anger that the other may be feeling and help rebuild the trust.”

7. Tell them how you will change. 

Most of us can agree that an apology is meaningless if nothing changes afterward. This is why it is so important to follow up with how you plan to change your behavior to avoid this problem in the future. Most important, you must follow through with the change. It is the only way that the other person will know that you are truly sorry. 

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