You’ve been hanging out with this guy for while now. Things are great, you seem to be in sync with each other, you share the same interests, you compliment each other in so many ways.
You’re even thinking of altering the 90-day rule you have (Incase you don’t know, it’s the period you go without having sex wih a new guy for security purposes) to maybe 88-day rule?? Lol. In any case, he has you thinking of what he’s like in bed, considering the things he’s been saying he’d do to you OOH GURL! you can’t wait.
And so, you decide to throw caution to the wind, say Fuck it, and there you are, setting yourself up for the big D -Day (literally lol).
The awaited day comes, and you are on point!! He doesn’t disappoint either, and you’re already thinking of how you’ve finally found the one. It’s your moment now. With your sexy lingerie on, the perfume all spread in the air, your P is def clean shaven, your face is all glowy, hair long enough for him to pull it back #Ahem, lips pouty with a splash of lipgloss for that oomph effect-Gurl, you’re doing the most but it’s all good coz you know what you’re about to get in return.
And no sooner had you guys started, than you wanted to immediately finish. SMH.
There is nothing as bad as Bad sex! Especially if it’s with someone you had really anticipated it with. Once is enough experience with bad sex, but twice with the same guy is a no no, boo!
At these moments, Ladies actally have several thoughts in our head. Though chances are if he’s that bad at it, he probably won’t notice that you ain’t “there” with him, tsk.
Check out some of these thoughts.
I should have finished that chicken. Or whatever food it is that you’ve remembered you left. The sex is so boring that the only thing you can think about is food.
How long is he going to take? It’s seeming like hours have passed since you two got down (rather him) and you can’t wait for him to get done. Try not being rude by checking the time on your watch or phone. Just try.
How good the chicken (or whichever food it was) tasted. You remember how good it made your taste buds feel and it’s such a pity that he’s not making you feel even half of what chicken made you feel. Sad, really.
When is he going to change positions? Sigh… He seems to be enjoying that particular position so much. Actually a bit too much that it’s the ONLY one you’ll be getting. Sorry.
What’s all that noise he’s making? You can’t understand why he’s making all those noises. You’d notice this because you’re probably as quiet as a church mouse and he’s the only one enjoying it.
Yaaay, he finally changed positions (to doggy style or… ) and I can now go to sleep for a few seconds! Oh, how you would give anything for those few seconds or minutes, if you’re lucky, of zoning out completely.
Is that how he’s seriously going to start? Let’s just say his grand entrance wasn’t all that grand, but you go along with it hoping that it’ll get better.
Can he give me some mouth action somewhere else? Already you aren’t turned on by the sex and he’s making it worse by sucking your nipples for too long… NEXT.