Stop asking them to fix you

Image result for moving on

So this is probably, like, the 57th article you’ve read after getting dumped and now you’re sick and tired of trying to figure out how to get over “the one that got away” already.

I get it.

A lot of “advice” out there tries to deconstruct getting over a breakup into these nice little lists, as if you can get over someone you loved and lost by checking another item off your list like you’re going grocery shopping or something.

And sure, you probably should “take time for yourself” and “reconnect with friends” and all that, as we’ll see. But to me, all of these things seem like slapping a band-aid on the gaping flesh wound where your heart used to be: technically, they don’t really hurt to try, but by themselves, they can only do so much.

shallow focus photography of person holding a lighter

So before admonishing you to “get back out there,” I want you to try to look at things a little differently first. Getting over an ex has a lot more to do with knowing who you are and the story you tell yourself about your past relationship than it does with trying to mitigate the pain every time you’re reminded of them.

To that end, it’s a process, not a destination. You have to be patient. I know, that sucks to hear, but the only way around it is through it.

So grab that bottle of gin and/or gallon of ice cream and let’s tackle this fucker together.

woman holding cocktail glass

And I know you probably won’t believe me when I say this, but it really is going to be okay.

The thing is, they will never tell you what you need to hear to move on. To heal. They will give you versions of the truth so delicately spun that you believe them, but just in that moment. Not when you cannot sleep cause the winter sheets that smell like them are on your bed even though it is spring out.

So your sweat wakes you up in the middle of the night. You are smarter now and have unfurled their version of the truth a few nights a week at 3:16 AM until you have landed here. They will never tell you what you need to hear to move on.

The thing you need to hear to move on. To heal. Is the sound of your own laughter. Remind yourself of all that you have in your life, what you had long before them and will have long after them.

Strip the sheets, give them a good wash, and tuck them away until it gets cold outside again. It is time for the crisp white cotton sheets. You no longer need the middle of the night wake up call to overthink a conversation that, most likely, meant nothing to them. It is time to move on. To heal.

The thing is it does not matter if they ever tell the truth.

Stop waiting for them to fix you. They are the thing that broke you.

What matters is if you like the person you see in the mirror. Get to know them. Go on a few dates. Take this opportunity to fall in love again. Not with someone who will leave a new scent on your sheets, but with the scent you cannot smell at all. Because it is you.

Yes, fall in love again. But this time with yourself.

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