The murder of Ivy Wangechi and the recent stabbing of Pwani University student Naomi Chepkomboi is shedding a daunting light on relationships in the country.
Why are young men stabbing and brutally murdering their girlfriends? Why are young women being killed by suitors after rejecting them?
It all boils down to two phrases: understanding the difference between love and lust:
Love is emotional, while lust is physical; but many Kenyan women are unable to tell the difference when being pursued by suitors.
Pure lust is based solely on physical attraction and fantasy–it often dissipates when the “real person” surfaces.
It’s the stage of wearing rose colored glasses when he or she “can do no wrong.” Being in love doesn’t exclude lust. In fact, lust can lead to love.
However, real love, not based on idealization or projection, requires time to get to know each other. Here are some signs to watch for to differentiate pure lust from love.
Signs of Lust
In the case of Ivy Wangechi, Naftali Kinuthia is a perfect case of lust. Even though it’s alleged that he did not have s3xual relations with Ivy, here are some of the notable signs he exhibited:
You’re totally focused on a person’s looks and body.
You’re interested in having sex, but not in having conversations.
You’d rather keep the relationship on a fantasy level, not discuss real feelings.
You want to leave soon after sex rather than cuddling or breakfast the next morning.
You are lovers, but not friends.
Some of these traits are frightening because they boil down to one thing; obsession.
When men become obsessed, they become possessive of the woman that they’re pursuing.
If I can’t have her then no one else will
Unfortunately, many young women looking for love fall prey to men lusting for them.
Men who promise them that they will do anything if they just accept to be their lovers!
How To Tell If A Suitor Really Loves You
Love, on the other hand, is totally different. Here are some of the major signs that you can tell if a man is truly invested in love:
You want to spend quality time together other than sex.
You get lost in conversations and forget about the hours passing.
You want to honestly listen to each other’s feelings, make each other happy.
He or she motivates you to be a better person.
You want to get to meet his or her family and friends
He or she motivates you to be a better person.
You want to get to meet his or her family and friends
With that being said, take the time to evaluate your relationship. If you boyfriend is in it for love, that’s great. If not, get out fast!