Why Sleeping With Older Men Is Best — No Matter How Old they Are

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I began dating older women by accident. A few years ago, I was working at a publishing agency, and we were asked to copy write for an online dating site.

To prepare, all of us on the team had to create a profile. The rest of my team were married, living with someone, or dating, so they all made up fake personas. I was single, and thought, “Well, I have to do this anyway, so why don’t I do it for real?” I was honest about everything, including my age. I got an avalanche of responses, and to my surprise, the majority of them were from older women. I thought, “That works for me!” and I’ve been very happily dating older women ever since.

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I’m 24. I have never wanted or imagined to be married, I’ve never wanted children, and I don’t want to be in a relationship in the conventional sense. I believe everyone should be free to design the relationship model that works for them — and for me that’s dating older women.

I meet them on cougar dating sites. I respond to maybe one percent of all the approaches I get. I have one criterion first and foremost: She has to be a nice person. As a result, my so-called casual relationships go on a lot longer than most people’s so-called committed ones.

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I date older women off and on over periods of 2, 3, 4, or even 5 years. They may go on to date men their own age, or to move to different places, but we stay friends. We’ll meet platonically for drinks or dinner. And then every so often, their relationships end, and they return to me.

Yes, the sex is fantastic. When lots of desire and experience (and blissfully short recovery periods) meets confidence and stamina, it’s a terrific combination. Some women tell me they’d feel too insecure about their bodies to sleep with someone young, but when you operate on the criterion that some do — that they have to be nice — you meet younger men who appreciate everything about older women.

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In fact, because I don’t give a damn what anybody thinks and because I think I look great naked, I’m secure enough to focus instead on making my partners feel good about themselves. I tell them they’re beautiful. I remember one woman I dated — 40 years old, gorgeous, body of the pop queen (Beyonce, in case you wondering) — sitting on the side of the bed one morning as I complimented her, saying to her shyly, “You make me feel really sexy.”

People looking for love could benefit from operating on my principles of approach to sexual relationships. “Nice person” isn’t always the most important thing on people’s soul-mate checklists — but it should be.

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I meet people from very different walks of life: women who are the first in their family to have gone to college; who have ambitions they’re making happen any way they can. Yes, the sex is great, and the experience is a revelation, but what I also get out of my approach to dating is meeting women I admire and respect.

Older women have always been attracted to younger men and younger men have always been attracted to older women. Unfortunately, the usual double standard applies: older man, younger woman — no one bats an eyelid.

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Older woman, younger man — somehow deemed socially unacceptable. I’ve dated older women who were terrified their friends and family would find out, but I’ve also dated older women who see nothing wrong with it, and have been happy to be out with me.

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I’m always pleased to see celebrities like Madonna, Tilda Swinton, Joan Collins, Demi Moore, and Wendi Deng being open about relationships and marriages with younger men. The more of them who can be loud and proud about our unconventional relationships, the more we’ll break down society’s prejudices.

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