Comparing our bits only leads to misery and disappointment. Striving for perfection is fruitless, especially when the perfect vulva, penis, boobs, whatever, doesn’t actually exist. What’s a better idea: Enjoying our individual beauty. Nice, right?
But that doesn’t stop us from enjoying categorizing our appearance. There’s something strangely comforting about knowing that our body parts fit into a certain type, if only because it proves we’re not the only ones who look the way we do.
Now we have learned that there are, apparently, seven types of penis. That’s according to Darren Breen, the managing director of
The Pencil : Long and thin with uniform girth along the shaft.
The Pepper : Shorter than the average but unusually thick.
The Cone : The Cone gets narrower towards the tip of the penis. This can sometimes be down to phimosis, a tightening of the foreskin, so if you have this type of penis and your foreskin is so tight it can’t be pushed back, chat to your GP.
The Banana : A natural, slight curve isn’t an issue (and can be a lot of fun sex-wise), but if you notice an extreme curve or one that develops after injury, chat to a GP. Some curves are down to peyronie’s disease, which is when scar tissue causes the penis to bend. This can lead to erectile dysfunction or pain during sex.
The Hammer : Hammer starts narrower at the base then has an especially wide head. It’s a bit like a mushroom.
The Sausage : This one’s the most common – it’s of average thickness and length, and remains the same thickness all the way up the shaft. A standard sausage.
The Cucumber :The same as The Sausage, but with an above average girth, so it’s thick all the way along.