‘Poor looks’ and low self-esteem are to blame for men not being in relationships, a new study claims. Menelaos Apostolou, assistant professor for the School of Humanities, Social Sciences and Law at the University of Nicosia in Cyprus, has been looking into why dudes on Reddit are single. In answer to the question, ‘Guys, why are you single?’, Menelaos received over 20,000 replies. Researchers then analysed 13,429 of the primary responses, before classifying them into 43 categories in a study published in the journal, Evolutionary Psychological Science.
The most frequent reason for being single, Reddit users said, was ‘poor looks’ – being short or bald, closely followed by lack of confidence and lack of interest in relationships. A lack of flirting skills and being too shy were also popular reasons. Interestingly, being bad at approaching women might actually be quite natural. Menelaos says that there are evolutionary reasons why some men are unable to successfully approach women; the ‘mismatch’ argument is the theory that some dudes have social skills that don’t align with the qualities needed today to make a good impression.
Centuries ago, marriages were arranged and male-to-male competition was strong; men had little choice over who was to be their wives but it also meant that their looks weren’t that important and they didn’t really need to have good game to attract the opposite sex. Unattractive and socially inept men still managed to find wives because it was sorted out for them.
Today, that’s not the case in many cultures. ‘Single modern men often lack flirting skills because in an ancestral pre-industrial context, the selection pressures on mechanisms which regulated mating effort and choosiness were weak,’ Menelaos explains. ‘Such skills are needed today, because in post-industrial societies mate choice is not regulated or forced, but people have to instead find mates on their own.’
Poor opinion of your body can cause you to have very low self esteem and self confidence. Men worry about how tall, strong or big they are. The worst thing for men is probably being short. They believe the tall, dark, handsome myth. Most men will suffer low self esteem if they think they are short or too thin. Like women these men can become obsessed.
According to Grogan (2016), many men want to be like society portrays the ideal man, slender and muscular. If someone thinks they are too skinny or too fat, or week looking, this can cause problems with body image and a resulting low level of self esteem.
Many women don’t like musclemen and even prefer shorter men. Sensitivity is a real plus. So you should forget the stereotypes and stop them controlling how you think about yourself.
Stress can affect your appearance
Of course, falling prey to negative thoughts about your appearance, says the psychiatrist and self-esteem expert Christophe André, only makes the situation worse.
“Positive self-esteem is something that is more than just skin deep”
“When we are stressed, our blood is sent straight to the organs which will help us flee in a fight-or-flight response – these being the muscles, heart and brain,” says André. “The skin is therefore not as well hydrated and nourished. It’s not a serious issue in small doses, but this will cause problems in cases of chronic stress.
“These situations are also worsened by the fact that our bodies secrete cortisol during these periods. Cortisol ages the skin by making it dull and thin, and also potentially harms the naturally occurring collagen, which is essential for keeping skin supple.”